God’s Big Reveal
I have not posted in a while. It’s because I felt very selfish and I can’t write about something when I’m not doing it myself. I work two jobs and I work a lot of hours. That plus trying to give enough attention to my daughter leaves me feeling drained. There were days when I worked a majority of the day and night, spent a couple of hours with my daughter, and just went to bed. I also tried to get in my volunteer time, but it started to feel more like work than a gift. I was too tired to focus on writing or building a relationship with God. That was so out of order!
It should always be God first, then family. Never work first, that’s not one of the top options. My night time prayer was becoming shorter, but I started to change it. I prayed for my child and for those in need, I continued to offer thanks for the salvation and grace He gives, but I prayed for wisdom regarding the things I was doing. I said a simple sentence each night and God slowly started revealing things to me.
First Reveal
I lacked trust. God provided a second job that I could do at home. I didn’t need to leave my daughter with anyone and I didn’t need to deal with traffic and all that comes with a commute. However, I was working a lot of hours and at all times of the day. It brought in a great second income, but it took away from my time with God and my time with my daughter. I looked at the dollar signs and how we would be okay financially and God showed me that I really didn’t trust that he would take care of us. He provided a way for me to pay off bills and I used it to horde money “just in case something happens”. While it’s wise to save, the way I was going about it was all wrong. God’s word tells us not to be anxious.
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?[a] 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
Matthew 6:25-30 (ESV)
Second Reveal
I was, once again, relying on works. I love to volunteer and buy things to give out to people. However, it started to become something more. I felt I needed to do it because God expected it of me. Once I lost the joy of helping, it became “works” based. We have God’s grace, good works will never offer salvation.
8 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; cit is the gift of God, 9 do not a result of works, so that no one may boast.
Ephesians 2:8–9
Third Reveal
I was ungrateful. Jesus made an incredible sacrifice. Why was I finding it so difficult to carve out a half hours time for praise, worship, and relationship? Even if I felt I couldn’t focus on studying the Bible, I could at least praise Him and worship Him. He was getting my last few minutes of the day and half-hearted attempts to listen to a 5-minute devotional while working. Without Him, I am nothing and would be condemned.
18 Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for all men.
Romans 5:18 (ESV)
Praise be to God for always being with me, even when I’ve stopped reaching out. He is always there guiding and providing. I FINALLY feel that it’s okay to back off on the second job. I’m not leaving it because I know He provided it and it’s a blessing to us, but I don’t need to work myself ragged. I also don’t need to volunteer for everything that comes my way. If I don’t feel God leading me to do it, it’s okay to say no. I will always be grateful and give Him my complete attention during my devotional time. Without Him, I am a broken woman. He has never left me, praise Him!
If you ever feel down and like you’re not doing enough (or you’re doing too much!), stop and call out to Him. I did it every night for a few weeks and then it was all revealed to me. I have peace knowing that God was always there and His timing is always perfect!